I’ve always loved this photo of me and Tristan. It was taken on a beautiful summer’s day when my kids and I were all together, enjoying each other and our friends. Tristan balances on a cement beam set between a parking lot and brush-filled hillside. He walks carefully, confidently, teetering a bit, losing balance now and again, but he always corrects himself. He stays on the beam, eyes ahead….
Read MoreMother’s Day is a tough one. Dread begins seeping in to me weeks beforehand, building steadily. The thought of it drains my energy and knots my body with anxiety.
Last year, I spent the entire day before Mother’s Day in bed, sleeping, eating potato chips, and playing Candy Crush to still my heart and numb my mind. I wanted to go to bed and wake up to Monday morning, ready for work. A Monday work day was infinitely preferable to the terrible tomorrow ahead of me: my first Mother’s Day without my son, Tristan.
What the fuck was I to do with Mother’s Day now? …
Read MoreBe free, sweet boy
From the fight
From the struggle
From the shadow's calling
You did all you could
In the rooms
In recovery
For laffers and love
For the new guy
For you
But still not enough
Never enough
And now…
Happy New Year, Tristan! You missed so much in 2018, I’m not sure where to begin.
Jenn took her 1-year, and then 18-month, fob. I know you would have loved to be there for that. She got a new job and it’s shaping up to be a wonderful position with lots of opportunity. She moved in with Damyen, and they got engaged, and I’m so happy for them both. He’s a good egg…
Read MoreThis year, I’m not really feeling the whole New Year thing.
It’s not that I don’t have wonderful moments to look forward to in 2018–I do. I’m travelling to Costa Rica and Bali, I’m committed to my personal challenge of writing a book, my business is doing well and I love the work I do, I’m buying an apartment with one of my daughters…
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