Ten non-positive affirmations to ease the pain of grief
About eighteen months after my son died, I decided to try a yoga class. A chose a nice restorative stretch class; nothing energetic or taxing, just something to nurture my soul. Wrapped in the warmth of the room, surrounded by women each on their own path to wellness, feeling my breath and my body in a way I hadn’t for ages—it was exactly what I needed. Until I was resting in savasana at the end of class and the instructor (a bubbly young thing in her twenties) invited us to reach to sky and repeat after her, in a loud and confident voice, “I love my life!”
I almost gagged…
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Why my feel-good belief in the afterlife is grounded in science
I’ve always been open-minded. The continuation of Spirit; the connection of all things through a Universal energy; the afterlife—seems perfectly probable to me. But I grew up in a family that worshipped science and scorned anything “other worldly”, so it’s not a viewpoint I’ve shared much. Until now.
I choose to believe in life after death in part because of the overwhelming and often inexplicable anecdotal evidence, the personal experiences I’ve had since my son died (of which I’ve had plenty), and also because of a very sound, scientifically-proven reason: it’s good for me…
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A new me
I sat at my desk with a mug of steaming chamomile tea, my laptop open. I had an important deadline tomorrow and wanted to double check that everything was ready. I was rereading my report, looking for ways to clarify concepts and add more rationale to my recommendations when a shriek pierced the silence.
“Mom!” Tristan was yelling for me, wailing.
I ran to his room and saw him sitting on his bed, head in his hands, rocking back and forth. At fifteen he was slim and, wearing only his pajama bottoms, he still looked like a boy…
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How to help a friend who has a child in active addiction
Sometimes, it’s hard for parents to speak about their child who is in active addiction. Friends and family love to ask about our kids, but the usual, “How’s Joey getting along in university?”, or “How does Suzy like her new job?”, doesn’t land well when your kid can’t, in that moment, live up to what society expects of a young person. When somebody doesn’t know your child’s situation, it can be awkward and embarrassing to answer even the most innocent questions (“What’s Benji up to these days?). And if they do know, but don’t ask anything about them, it feels as if our child is overlooked; an embarrassment, not to be spoken of.
So, if you have a friend or family member who has a teen or young adult in active addiction, I know it’s not easy for you to make it easier for them. But I encourage you to try…
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Book review: the weight of air, by David Poses
the weight of air is a fast-paced story about one man’s decades-long struggle with addiction and his hard-fought recovery. David Poses was a “functional addict”, able to hide his addiction from others (and sometimes from himself), but his need to get high played havoc with both his inner and outer life…
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15 ways to look after yourself during these crazy times
Living in this time of coronavirus is a bit like living with a teenager in addiction. It’s big, and scary, and important. It’s potentially life-threatening, and certainly life altering. Maybe it’ll end up a passing phase, nothing to worry about. Then again, it could be total devastation. It’s tempting to live in denial (“It’s no big deal, everything’s fine!”) and justify bad behaviour. Think about it…
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Finding my voice: A dialogue with myself
FADE IN:
INTERIOR OF HOME. NIGHT.
MYSELF, a middle-aged woman with a cat on her lap, sits in front of her laptop, right index finger hovering over the “Publish” button. She’s about to publish her first personal blog post. Or not. She takes a couple of deep breaths, then scrunches up her face and pulls her hand away from the computer. ..
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A boy obsessed
Tristan loved the alchemy of cooking: broiling chicken bones until lightly charred and simmering them for hours until transformed into a rich aromatic stock that he’d use in sauces or soup or a glaze. But he was equally thrilled by the quick bliss of an Oreo McFlurry. Tristan loved everything about food. …
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I’m fine
We have a powerful story in my family, passed down through generations. It tells us who we are and comforts us through hardship. Like all the best stories, it’s simple and easy to remember.
Our story is, “I’m fine. I’m not a burden.” Our story is fiction.
I’m Five
My parents are fighting again. I can’t make out the words, but it’s scary. The house might crash down with all the shouting. They might tear each other apart like when our dog got my teddy bear and pulled its legs and arms off and left stuffing everywhere…
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