I’m one of the hundreds of thousands of North American mothers who grieve for a child lost to addiction, overdose, or drug poisoning. Our collective grief is staggering. Our strength, inspiring. Yet every one of us carries our grief differently, and there’s a reason for that.
My son’s death knocked me off a path I was purposefully walking upon...
Read MoreI came to my own recovery sideways and unaware. I was simply following my son, as I always had; hovering behind him, ready to catch him when he fell. Toddler or teen, Tristan was pure energy and adrenaline, running full tilt at life. Until he smacked into a wall. As a teen, that wall was addiction and, despite my hovering, Tristan had fallen hard….
Read MoreI’m writing this in the darkest part of the year. Literally (winter solstice) and emotionally (holiday times are tough for me, in my grief). And I’m thinking about how complicated joy can be.
I never thought much about joy until my son, Tristan, died, just over four years ago and, since then, it’s been quite a journey. I’ve grasped for joy, felt guilty about feeling joy, rejoiced at the power of joy, been grateful for every moment of joy, and have begun—again—to take joy for granted. And I hate that, because taking anything for granted reduces its power to brighten our life, to feel it deeply, and appreciate it fully…
Read MoreRichard Wagamese’s book, Embers, is one of the few books I keep returning to for its accessible wisdom. My gift to you this holiday season, is a sampling of his wisdom. I’ve chosen two of his writings from each of the seven sections in his book: Stillness, Harmony, Trust, Reverence, Persistence, Gratitude, and Joy. May we all carrya sprinkling of these with us wherever we go…
Read MoreWay too many moms are grieving the death of their child this year. For the holidays, I decided I’d like to give every grieving mom the gift of compassionate friends and family. I truly believe that most people want to help, but just don’t know how. So I asked grieving moms what they wanted other people to know about them over the holidays. What did they need to feel supported? And I’m sharing their responses, so you can be better prepared to gift them with your understanding this year…
Read MoreMerry Merry Christmas
My only son just died
While everyone else is festive
I stay home and cry
The whole world comes together
To love those hurt and scared
Through illness, floods, and hurricanes
It’s good to know they care
But no one wants to notice
Our greatest shame of all…
Read MoreI’m heading into my fifth holiday season without my son, Tristan. He died just over four years ago, from addiction and a toxic drug supply. I’d like to say it still hurts, but that’s not quite right. It still crushes me. And I sweep up the pieces and hold them together as best I can as I walk through the season. I try to find enjoyment and connection where I can, and I do. I enjoy my family at Christmas, tremendously, and yet it still feels so damned hard. But it’s easier than it was the first few years. And that ease is, in large part, because I’ve learned to honour and accept my grief, rather than deny or repress it…
Read MoreI sat at my desk with a mug of steaming chamomile tea, my laptop open. I had an important deadline tomorrow and wanted to double check that everything was ready. I was rereading my report, looking for ways to clarify concepts and add more rationale to my recommendations when a shriek pierced the silence.
“Mom!” Tristan was yelling for me, wailing.
I ran to his room and saw him sitting on his bed, head in his hands, rocking back and forth. At fifteen he was slim and, wearing only his pajama bottoms, he still looked like a boy…
Read MoreSometimes, it’s hard for parents to speak about their child who is in active addiction. Friends and family love to ask about our kids, but the usual, “How’s Joey getting along in university?”, or “How does Suzy like her new job?”, doesn’t land well when your kid can’t, in that moment, live up to what society expects of a young person. When somebody doesn’t know your child’s situation, it can be awkward and embarrassing to answer even the most innocent questions (“What’s Benji up to these days?). And if they do know, but don’t ask anything about them, it feels as if our child is overlooked; an embarrassment, not to be spoken of.
So, if you have a friend or family member who has a teen or young adult in active addiction, I know it’s not easy for you to make it easier for them. But I encourage you to try…
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